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A letter from Helene in Vienna to her children in San Francisco.
Vienna, 24 June 1941
My dear ones! It’s unbelievably long the way the time passes by when my head and heart have nothing else to do except wait for letters from you or wait for the American visa. One would have to be a centipede, or really a millipede, to do all the errands that we have to do. We have put most of our possessions that we still have around into our suitcases and we have only left behind the necessary items such as hand towels and dishes and clothing in order to be able to at the very last minute put ourselves together and get to you. For weeks the containers with our travel effects have been looking at us rather suspiciously and when I dust them every day, I feel like I should excuse myself to them and to assure them that it is not our fault that they have to be penned up together in this heat and wait for the last moment in which we will be freed. A Faustian wish takes me over and when I see you, I will say “stay awhile, you are so beautiful.” This is the nth time that Papa has been to the shipping company and asked about our luggage. Achter is the name of the company that will be taking our order. Paul’s move was like a game of tag compared to ours, and probably the effect will be the same. The few objects which I would like to have there and which would make it easier for me to believe that we were setting up house there, I hope that these will arrive. Sentimentality was never my weakness. It would me most desirable to me to take just a minimum of hand luggage onto a plane and have ourselves transported through the skies to you. But since we live in abnormal times, the luxury of going with just a toothbrush and pajamas is something we cannot allow ourselves. We don’t know how long we’ll be traveling. I don’t really have anything new to tell you today except that the lack of mail is tearing an insurmountable hole in the power of my imagination (the only thing that I really have). When I think about you, I don’t even think of you in diary form anymore, but in contextless unorganized thoughts. And despite the troubles I go through to imagine what you are doing I just can’t seem to do it. From this collection of thoughts, it seems like dark and amber colored eyes are looking at me, those eyes that I love so much and that I will love forever. Little 2-year old Ebi once looked at the starry sky with Pepperl and she was fascinated. “Look Peppal, Ebi’s eyes are going for a walk up there. Do you see them shining?” I see your eyes shining when I look out the window at night and I send you my blessings telepathically. The longest day of the year has passed, and I hope we are soon coming to the most beautiful day of the year, the one in which I will be taking you into my arms, and not just in my thoughts.
With my most sincere greetings and kisses, I remain your
Helen
Helene never fails to come up with new nicknames and endearments. We’ve seen Ebi, her nickname for Eva, in a few earlier stories about her young daughter. And in this letter we have two sweet names for Papa – Pepperl and Peppal.
Again, Helene quotes Faust – according to Wikipedia, the quotation is from Part I when Faust is making a deal with Mephistopheles: “Werd ich zum Augenblicke sagen: Verweile doch! Du bist so schön!“ – “Tarry a while! You are so fair!”
At this point Helene feels that like Faust, she is making a pact with the devil in order to be reunited with her children. In the end, she was trapped for years in Vienna, was sent to Ravensbrück, and never saw her husband again. She paid a high price indeed.