No 74 Vienna, 18 February 1941
My dear children and dear Paul! Papa is on his way to send a telegram to you via Hapag. We telegrammed: We urge you most urgently to deal with the affidavit and ship tickets so that we will arrive in time. For Vitali is certain that the time has now come. My last letters always contained a comment about urgency even if it wasn’t all that direct. However, I believe I sent you enough information so that I did not need to be even more emphatic. Well, it has been advised to us that we should send a telegram. We have no choice to do anything else. I would have preferred to send you my obituary than to ask with such urgency for this affidavit. And ship tickets too. But there’s no other way. I ask all three of you to make it clear to the relatives that we are sending these telegrams through our survival instinct and we wish this to be understood that this is the urge to keep oneself alive. This is survival. In these parts, when people use that term, they understand rather an egotism which is of the highest order. I have no fear of starting over again.
When I was 15, there was nothing for me. No one helped me to get ahead. One can counter that those were other times and that I was still young. But I was looking for work and bread without having learned anything useful. As an apprentice, I could not put myself into service because that kind of work was unpaid and I didn’t have anybody who would guarantee my shelter for that long. I wouldn’t have accepted that from anyone. Every job that I thought I could do was already filled. Even when I thought I was on time – I had to walk very long distances by foot because I didn’t have any money for any kind of transport – then there were 40 or 50 girls waiting in line before me.
It would be ridiculous to draw a parallel between that and today and if I mention my struggle in those days, I’m just doing it to say that the lack of youth is maybe compensated by the practical knowledge I have acquired. Vitali is also not thinking that I could pay for all of our living expenses through my work. Rather, he really has a burning desire to be able to work again and to be allowed to work. We know that it is not possible everywhere in the USA, but in many states we think it would be. When we land there, we will be thankful for every hand which reaches out to help us but only to get on our feet. We have no fear of what comes after. Our needs have become more than modest. A roof over our head, our stomachs will be taken care of.
At the same time, we also sent a telegram to Onkel Isaac. Maybe he can understand our situation a little bit better. Many acquaintances have turned to Onkel Fulda for an affidavit and have gotten it, but I do not want to get it from him. At the very least, I don’t want to ask him about it. You’ll understand my point of view on that. Am I right? It is so that one feels the need to help Fate along a little bit. One thinks one is pushing and one is pushed. I have to be prepared for Paul’s criticism that I didn’t insist on this earlier. But I thought it would be okay for awhile. Unfortunately, we had to rush into this – things have become more urgent. It is just a matter of getting those who will write our affidavit to convince that there’s no reason to fear that we will exploit them. Letter #1 is still outstanding; Letter #2 will be answered on Friday. With the rush to get to the telegram office one can imagine that a telegram and a repurchase [RP = COD?] agreement would take quite awhile before it gets to you. With our most sincere greetings to Zentners, Schillers, Firestones and to you, I am as always
Helen
Today’s letter is terrifying and heartbreaking. For the first time, we feel Helene’s urgency and fear. Until now, Helene has had confidence that all will work out okay and has felt that hinting at her concerns for their safety was sufficient. Today she shows regret at not having asked for help sooner from distant relatives. I have an earlier letter where she is adamant she does not want to apply to Onkel Erwin for assistance.
As we learn from today’s letter, Helene has been a strong, independent woman all of her life. She felt she had no one to rely on but herself. I am still trying to discover the details. What I do know is that by the time she was 15, she realized she was on her own. Her father was ailing and his business was foundering, her mother was taking care of the Zerzawy grandchildren, her sister in Vienna was not well. By late 1902, at the age of 16, she arrives in Vienna. On her own? With one or both of her parents? To live with her sister Irma? These are answers I still hope to discover.
Helene and Vitali are eager to come to the U.S. and to find a way to support themselves. Vitali was hoping to continue to do his work in metaphysics, but they are not sure whether he would be allowed to do so. Their independent streak was inherited by their children. As teenagers when they first arrived in the U.S., Harry and Eva stayed with relatives while finishing high school. As soon as possible, each of them immediately found ways to support themselves: Eva went to nursing school and Harry joined the army. Their parents instilled in them the need to not rely on anyone but themselves, which may have made it more difficult to get the assistance they needed from relatives to enable their parents to get out of Vienna.
As I was reading today’s letter, I was surprised to see that Helene repeated the concept of being a fatalist and pushing/being pushed, which she described in the story posted on February 15. Clearly, this is an important part of her identity. It occurred to me to look further to see whether this was a quote. In her story on being fatalistic she said she “glaubte zu schieben und bin geschoben worden” - she believed she was pushing and was being pushed. It turns out that, as with so much of what she writes, she was quoting Goethe! The original goes: “Du glaubst zu schieben und du wirst geschoben” - from Part I of Faust. Translation: You think you are pushing and you are being pushed. Free will or fate?
I do not know who Onkel Isaac was – perhaps a relative of Vitali’s in Istanbul. Onkel Erwin Fulda was in San Francisco. If I understand the 1997 family tree correctly, the Fuldas were first cousins of Adolf’s grandparents (Helene’s great-grandparents) – no wonder she didn’t want to ask for help – she probably felt they were barely related and didn’t want to be yet one more person asking for help. I have a photo of Erwin Fulda (according to the family tree he sold meat in San Francisco) with my grandmother (probably in Vienna). I am not sure when it was taken, perhaps the late 1920s or early 1930s?
